dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
