I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
