awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
