we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
