You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
