just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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