I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
