I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
