On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
