Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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