Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
