Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
pray to the hookup gods
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
