Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Come see our sink grown plant.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
