too bad you live with your parents still
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
