look no pants
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
