Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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