in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
