you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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