Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize