I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
