SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
