His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
