Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
