I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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