You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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