All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
