somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
