Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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