I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
