Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
