I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
