What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
