how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Randomize
