remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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