Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
