I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize