just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
