Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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