I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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