She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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