Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a beard to bite.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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