where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
