I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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