The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
