matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
