good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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