it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
