youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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