I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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