Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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