I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
