u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
