You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
