but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
