He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
