it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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