she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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