she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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