Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
