Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
