you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
