OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Pooping to opera.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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