At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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