I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
