you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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