Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
