last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
