Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
